I have always felt very passionate about my project. I didn't think it would change the world or anything, but I felt like it was a book that needed to be written. I hope that same feeling overcomes most authors who sit down with pen and paper or laptop and jot down their first few words. Honestly, I don't even know what my first few worlds were and I certainly did not set out knowing what the last few would be. While I was usually sure I would complete my project it took me three years to sum up what it was that I was really doing. One day while extremely discouraged, questioning why I even started the project in the first place, I sat down by Maayan in one of the dorm lounges and asked her "what is my purpose?". She looked at me and said "Well, Rebecca I am not entirely sure what your purpose is, but I really like you as a person". I smiles and said "no, no Maayan, I mean what is the purpose of my book?". What I was thinking was that I tell girls every day about my idea, about the premise behind it all and they always say to me that it is a wonderful idea, that boys confuse them, and that they can't wait to read my book. But I wonder, what exactly was it that they thought of? Was it some Holy Grail of masculine information or a comical question and answer session bound into a book? While trying to explain this quandary to Maayan and the two other girls sitting with us it dawned on me; I am writing a book that will give young women the opportunity to ask young men questions that they wouldn't otherwise ask because they feel it is inappropriate or because they are too shy. At the same time I was giving young men the opportunity to do some self inspection while learning what young women would like to know about them. Also, giving these same young men an opportunity to say whatever they want to women, good or bad, with little chance of ever getting in trouble or it. It seems like a lot because it is. It's quite a large undertaking, but like I previously mentioned, I am certain that this book will be beneficial to some not just in the final product, but in the process of writing as well.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The 15 Steps (Revised)
1 Eye flirting
2 Introduction (saying “hi” and learning each other’s names)
3 Intimate conversations or flirting (Texting counts)
4 Dates or other one-on-one interactions
5 Cuddling with a purpose and/or holding hands
6 First Kiss
7 Making Out
8 Kissing places other than your partner’s mouth, but above their shoulders
9 Body fondling not including genitalia
10 Kissing places other than your partner’s mouth, on or below their shoulders not including genitalia
11 Manual stimulation on a female above clothing
11.25 Manual masturbation* on female above clothing including an orgasm
11.5 Manual stimulation female under clothing or without clothing
11.75 Manual masturbation* on a female under clothing or without clothing including an orgasm
12 Manual stimulation on a male above clothing
12.25 Manual masturbation* on a male above clothing
12.5 Manual stimulation on a male under clothing or without clothing
12.75 Manual masturbation* on a male under clothing or without clothing including an orgasm
13 Oral sex performed on a female
13.5 Oral sex performed on a female with an orgasm
14 Oral sex performed on a male
14.5 Oral sex performed on a male with an orgasm
15 Intercourse
*Masturbation: Excitation of one's own or another's genital organs, usually to orgasm, by manual contact or means other than sexual intercourse.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Hayley G Hoover
From what I can gather, Hayley's blog has a lot of similarities to mine, so check it out...
http://presence-blog.blogspot.com/
http://presence-blog.blogspot.com/
Friendship Question #1
When you meet a woman for the first time, what determines if she gets put in the “friend zone” or if you see potential for a relationship?
"The first thing is physical attraction and then personality, if I can’t see myself being with her then why be in a relationship if we can be just friends?" -1
"I would say that when I first meet someone I make an immediate estimate as to whether I could see myself in a relationship with them and if I find myself attracted to them. Most of the time, they are put into the relationship zone, just because, well I'm a guy and girls are pretty attractive right now. It has also happened to me where I met a girl that I never thought I would have more than a friends relationship and it definitely changed over time." -2
"Several factors can play into being placed in the “friend zone”. First, and most predictably, is physical attraction. I cannot envision myself in a relationship with someone I do not find attractive. A girl’s current relationship status is also something I consider; I will not attempt to pursue a girl who is already currently dating another guy." -3
"If she meets my preferences about body type and personality." -4
"I try not to put women into categories. Every woman I know is a friend and could have the potential for a relationship, since I see a “relationship” as a seamless extension of a friendship. Yes there are some women I find more emotionally, personally or physically more attractive which all play a role in deciding to pursue a woman to a relationship if pursuing is needed." -5
Best For Last - Adele
Wait, do you see my heart on my sleeve?
It's been there for days on end and
It's been waiting for you to open up
yours too baby, come on now
I'm trying to tell you just how
I'd like to hear the words roll out of your mouth finally
Say that it's always been me
That's made you feel the way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue
But you'd save the best for last
Like I'm the one for you
You should know that you're just a temporary fix
This is not routine with you it don't mean that much to me
oh just a filler in the space that happened to be free
How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me
Why is it everytime I think I've tried my hardest
It turns out it ain't enough
You're still not mentioning love
What am I supposed to do to make you want me properly?
I'm taking these chances and getting nowhere
And though I'm trying my hardest you go back to her
And I think that I know things may never change
I'm still hoping one day I might hear you say
I make you feel a way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and you never want more
Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue
But you'd save the best for last
Like I'm the one for you
You should know that you're just a temporary fix
This is not routine with you it don't mean that much to me
Oh just a filler in the space that happened to be free
How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me
But, despite the truth that I know
I find it hard to let go and give up on you
Seems I love the things you do
Like the meaner you treat me the more eager I am
To persist with this heartbreak and running around
And I will do until I'm finding myself you
And make you feel a way you've never felt before
And be all you need so that you never want more
And you'll say all of the right things without a clue
And you'll be the one for me and me the one for you
Where I Stood - Missy Higgins
"Where I Stood"
I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none
There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCLERYzJsYA
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Other or Better?
Everyone in my life has other things to do then spend time with me. These days I have started to phrase it to myself that they have better thins to do then spend time with me. Logically I know this isn't true, but my heat feels different. I could take this in two directions, I can talk about how different your head and heart are, but I wont. My thought process is that I want someone who thinks spending time with me IS the better thing to be doing. Is that so much to ask? I have no idea.
Monday, January 3, 2011
15 Steps of Intimacy
1 Eye flirting
2 Intimate conversations or flirting (Texting counts)
3 Cuddling with a purpose and/or holding hands
4 First Kiss
5 Making Out
6 Kissing places other than your partner’s mouth, but above their shoulders.
7 Body fondling (Clothing stays on)
8 Body fondling (Clothing taken off)
9 Kissing places other than your partner’s mouth, on or below their shoulders.
10 Intense make out (ie sex through clothes)
11 Manual stimulation on a female above clothing
11.25 Manual masturbation on female above clothing including an orgasm*
11.5 Manual stimulation female under clothing or without clothing
11.75 Manual masturbation on a female under clothing or without clothing including an orgasm*
12 Manual stimulation on a male above clothing
12.25 Manual masturbation on a male above clothing*
12.5 Manual stimulation on a male under clothing or without clothing
12.75 Manual masturbation on a male under clothing or without clothing including an orgasm*
13 Oral sex performed on a female
13.5 Oral sex performed on a female with an orgasm
14 Oral sex performed on a male
14.5 Oral sex performed on a male with an orgasm
15 Intercourse
*Masturbation: Excitation of one's own or another's genital organs, usually to orgasm, by manual contact or means other than sexual intercourse.
He's Just Not That into You
It is not that men are cryptic and confusing; we just misconstrue what they really mean because sometimes we don’t like the truth. Haven’t you ever seen the beginning of ‘He’s Just Not That into You’? When he doesn’t call or when he stands you up there is definitely a chance that something really did come up, but there is also the chance that he just wasn’t interested and didn’t know how to tell you. Try to take things at face value and be just as blunt for your partner. Don’t be sneaky or vague; just tell it like it is, if he can’t accept your true thoughts and feelings, maybe it isn’t right anyway. There is however a flip side to this. Don’t go telling him all your inner most secrets right away. Save that for later. It will probably scare him if you unload on him right from the get go. Not only is it a good idea to take story time one step at a time, but it is also nice to know that in a month or 10 years you may still have things to talk about.
The Working Purpose
The purpose of this book is to compile facts, tips, and stories to inform women about what men want. What they are thinking and feeling. What men would say to women if there was no chance of hurting their feelings or in any way upsetting them.
Men are not all that confusing. They are very simple and do not leave much to be interpreted.
I think that it is safe to say that men and women are not from entirely different planets. I think that all people have similar needs and wants. We simply express ourselves differently and make choices based on both free will and social influences. It just so happens that men and women tend to have entirely different social influences hence the different ways of doing things.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Open to Interpretation
One person can never fully comprehend the thoughts and feelings of another person. That is what truly makes us feel alone. I have friends. I will not sit here and go on some rant about how I am all alone in this world, because I am not. I am merely alone in this room, alone in my head.
Another struggle I face, that I presumptuously presume all people face, is recalling an event or series of events with an outside source. Two people involved in an intimate act don’t even fully understand each other. They aren’t thinking the same things, they aren’t having the same feelings and they most definitely are not going to remember things the same. If I can’t even make the person I was with understand how I was feeling, how can I make anyone else? He was there, he was making me feel all the things that I so distinctly remember, but in way he wasn’t always there. That the problem I suppose.
The truth doesn't always matter. Everyone says there are 3 sides to a story. Unless you are in a court case the truth isn't very relevant, how we interpret and remember situations is. If I'm upset because you said something, but you didn't mean to upset me our sides of the story matter and need to be explained, but the 3rd side, the truth is irrelevant.
We can all try to be open and honest with our partners. Women more often than not complain that their partners won’t take the time to try and explain what they are thinking and feeling. What I am starting to understand is that the act of conveying the heart wrenching emotions that I am feeling to an outside source in an attempt to make the feelings go away is a fruitless effort. I am by no means trying to say that no one will understand me. While my situation is unique by its dates, locations, and names, maybe even by specific phrases used, it is by no means unique in design. I am not the first person to have an inappropriate and forbidden physical relationship. I am also not the first person to fall in love with someone that they felt they could simply stay friends with. I laugh at the use of the word simply in the last sentence; how dare I think that anything involving emotion is simple. Millions of people have had their hearts broken since the beginning of time. Millions of people probably get their heart broken every day.
But I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to write a book for you about what to do when you get your heart broken. How could I? I mean, honestly, does anyone really know what to do? I can give you advice, but so can everyone else. Maybe what make me different is that I don’t know and I will honestly say that to you. I didn’t set out writing this book thinking there would be any advice in it at all, that came about three years into the project. My goal is to present you with information, not tell you how to interpret it. A friend of mine once said to me that he enjoyed art because no one can tell you how to interpret it or how to feel while experiencing it. That is just like life and love. I can tell you stories and give you advice as a jumping off point but no one can tell you how something should look, taste, smell, feel, or simply be. That is up to you to decide and interpret.
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